the patchworked quilt

Hi friends, we are finally back.

I missed writing to y'all.

The last five months since I last wrote on here have felt like a patch work quilt coming together of big life moments, unexpected new life hobbies and joys, new friends, hard weeks, challenges, big faith moments, and lots of naps.

that being said, i am currently in my second trimester expecting my sweetest little gift from God, a baby boy.

that is mostly the reason for the naps haha.

Other than that, I have been learning to sew (which is for sure a labor of love) and getting back into reading. I made my way through The Office for the bajillionth time and have been enjoying Texas spring that feels like Colorado summer. I've been learning to navigate (more like wrestle with) this season of rest and learning to being okay with lots of time alone -- which has for sure had many hard moments. But also have experienced so much joy in seeing how God meets us in the patchwork quilt seasons of our lives.

Speaking of quilts, yesterday I was at Joann's Fabric picking up some fabric for my next sewing project -- some floral overalls that will fit my growing baby bump.

One of the cashiers helped me to cut my fabric and in normal "me fashion" I started making small talk with the complete stranger. She just seemed so happy, which made sense to me since this store felt like heaven for a person who loves picking up new hobbies every month. I had to know what her favorite crafting hobby is just in case it was one I haven't tried out yet. Well to my surprise, the 20 something year old girl with rainbow hair didn't skip a beat before sharing with me about quilting. Now-- this was so exciting to me since I am the only 23 yr old I know who is currently in the quilting game and I had found this to be a very challenging hobby.

There are so many cuts and measurements and one wrong step can make your quilt corners and lines not line up. I have yet to finish my first quilt because it was taking me soooo long to redo the mess ups and imperfections I've made while I teach myself to quilt.

I knew I had to know her secret to how she can smile when she said quilting while I wanted to throw my sewing machine at the wall.

When asked her best piece of quilting advice, she simply replied:

"it doesn't have to be perfect. at the end of the day, if it makes someone you love warm and cozy--that is enough".

This was hard for me to stomach. But also gave me the courage to go back to my unfinished quilt today. I had started it when I found out I was expecting for my little baby and wanted it to be perfect-- just as I want life to be so often.

I had this image in my mind of a happy mother without a care in the world rocking her baby with a lovely quilt draped across her lap. In a cutely decorated nursery with a little wooden rocking chair.

Now-- this isn't a bad dream. In fact, I love so many of the little details of the image above.

However, I am very aware that this quilt will not stay perfect when met with real life. Real life with a newborn will look a lot more like wiping his spit up off of him and me with the corner of the quilt and using it to dab the tears that will come as I navigated the highs and lows of motherhood. This quilt will keep my legs warm as my body heals from the beautiful but damaging experience of birth. This quilt will be what I try to use to hold my baby close to keep him safe from the dangers and scary broken world we live in, but only to find that a little quilt will keep us cozy and warm, but it can't keep us safe.

I couldn't trust in a perfect quilt to give me a perfect life that I imagined.

Real life is hard--so good but hard. It comes with rough edges, stains, ripped corners, and baby spit up. But a life (and a quilt) doesn't have to be perfect to be good.

To be rich.

To be filled with hope.

The best part of any quilt is in the parts that are worn and lived in.

Those are the moments we see ourselves the most, and come to experience God's love and grace the most.

For me, I feel like at times I am in an endless race trying to run from the reality of the broken parts of my story or life. I assume that they have every reason to steal my joy and my hope. I tell myself perfect is better

...but perfect isn't real.

Life is filled with hopes and dreams--but with stains and ripped corners.

There will be so many moments where all you can do is close your eyes and thank God for the life that you have--followed by seasons where all you can do is close your eyes and pray for God to help you make it another day.

Deep down, I think it is so scary to be okay with the mess.

I don't know what season that you are in right now that you just feel like "wasn't supposed to be this way". I'm sorry, I really am. I know how hard that is.

Can i just tell you that no season was meant to be perfect. God didn't promise us an easy life, but He did promise a life of hope in seasons that feel hopeless.

He didn't promise that the restless nights and tears wouldn't come, but He did promise to wipe every one of those tears and be there in the darkest valleys.

So maybe life is less about dreaming for a perfect ending and more about taking our days and weeks patch by patch. We don't always get to pick the patches we are dealt, but we don't have to look at those parts of our quilt with hate. Because once again, we have a God that can make beautiful things out of a imperfect patchworked quilt. Plus, our rounded edges and frayed corners make us more inviting-- and if we can invite others into God's love in a way that brings comfort in such a broken world, then sign me up.

Just remember, "it doesn't have to be perfect. at the end of the day, if it makes someone you love warm and cozy--that is enough".

A good life isn't a perfect life.