Where you find your peace

hey there guys,

this morning Colorado is covered in snow and my job called a delayed start so i get a few minutes to write with y'all about what God has been working on it my heart lately.

this one is about trust.

man, this is a hard one and one that i think i will always be working on.

lately, there have been many things trying to steal my attention and hope. And in reality, they have been stealing my peace.

Lots of fears have been flooding my mind as I have been trying to make big decisions and not make the wrong choice.

I'm not sure what other people do, but whenever I am feeling stressed and not sure how to make a decision, i look to everyone who is in a similar situation as me and see what decision they made. honestly would not recommend this haha. it always leaves me more stressed out than when I started.

Maybe you don't think you do this, but I think a lot of us take into account other people's lives and opinions when we make decisions. Our first thoughts usually when making a big decision are "am i crazy", "what will ____ think of this", "this doesn't fit into my plan", "they did it different, does that mean i am making the wrong choice?"... and on and on. For me, it usually looks like me looking through the world's eyes to see what would be the most normal and generally accepted decision.

One example of this is when my husband and I were deciding to get married. I had always planned that I would be like 30 when I was ready to get married, and I had NO idea what God had in store for me. I was standing there at 20, newly engaged, and realizing I would be a wife by the age of 21. This was not my plan and my mind began to spiral. I'll admit, I began looking on instagram to see other young couples and their perspective on when they got married, asking friends and seeking affirmation from them that it wasn't too soon. Continually asking my fiance if he thought we were too young and asking myself how others would view me getting married so young.

But through all the doubts and fears, deep down, I knew that was God had planned for Kyle (my husband) and I. When i looked to God, there was peace that didn't make sense with all the fears rushing through my head. (this is why they call it peace that surpasses understanding by the way).

Fast forward almost two years later, I am married to my amazing husband and look back wondering why in the world was I so worried. I wonder why in the moment other people's opinions and "understanding" and making sense of getting married young was so important to me when God made it clear that was what He had for my story.

Now, I wish I could say people didn't make comments or have their opinions...but they did.

And that is okay. The reality is, we have to trust that our God and His Word to us is unshakable. And that if we are choosing to honor Him with our marriage, that it is a gift and not something that needs to be understood by everyone.

That is one thing I am learning now. If God calls you to something, you do not need to explain yourself to everyone. As long as you are seeking God and your accountability close to you, then let God be your source of peace.

Now that it is two years later, i find myself still fearful for new decisions and life choices that I am trying to understand or make "fit" into what I think society says would be best for my life. And honestly, it has made me very restless. The other night I looked at my husband and tears fell from my eyes and just whispered, "I'm scared".

He is very slow to speak and I appreciate that. God's wisdom spoke through Him in the next moment. He just held me and said, "You aren't scared. Deep down, I think you feel peace. satan just wants you to doubt your peace and your mind thinks you need to fear."

I knew he was right. My mind didn't understand how I was intentionally making a choice that should bring about so many fears, yet I felt peace.

That is because my peace was not found in my situation or the circumstances surrounding my choice, it was found in the God who led me to that choice and promised to be with me as we opened that door.

Even though my God is faithful, my human mind does wander.

I struggle to hold onto that peace since my mind thinks it came from rationalizing and having solid proof there is no need to fear. As soon as i try and grasp to those things for peace, I let go of God's steady hand and fear begins to trickle in.

This morning that began to happen. And even though I began turning to social media and my phone to give me peace, I ended up putting those down and picking up God's word which I am so beyond thankful I did.

Well, before I put my phone down, I searched "trust verses". The first one to pop up was Proverbs 3:5-7.

I opened up my Bible and this is what it said,

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding;
in all your ways know Him and He will make your paths straight.
Don't be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and turn away from evil. 
This will be healing for your body and strengthening for your bones."

Wow. peace overwhelmed me.

Let me just say this, when my mind tries to understand everything and "be wise in my own eyes" to find peace, it always leads to fear, not faith.

However, verse 6 says it all. "In all your ways know Him and He will make your paths straight".

This is where you find peace. In knowing God, not in understanding.

I hope this can encourage you today. If God is calling you to something, and fear is knocking on your door. Peace will not be found in rationalizing your choice with logical facts and understanding how it all makes sense.

Peace will come from sitting at the feet of Jesus and letting Him embrace you and teach you who He is. A faithful God, a steady God, a God who will never leave us, a God who you do not need to perform for or impress. A God who has your best in mind, loves you dearly, and is more than okay if your story looks different than that other girl's on instagram. In fact, i think one of His favorite things is having so many different stories being told through the lives of His children. All a story of a loving God who is with them through the highs and the lows, a God that we can trust to walk with us through any door He calls us to.

And maybe that next big step you take with God that people judge or don't understand, feel empowered by the one standing beside you to not need to explain yourself.

Or if you do, maybe allow the swords "God is with me" to flow from your lips.

love y'all and hope you can know where true peace is found

Selena