You Are Worthy of Love

If you look around these days, every tv show, commercial, store, and marketing campaign is trying to convince us we aren't worthy, that we aren't enough.

If we just bought those shoes then we would be "trendy", if we just had that new phone then our instagram photos would look better, if we just lost this weight then we would be able to consider ourselves beautiful. And the funny but not funny thing is,

it never stops.

Just when we get those cute shoes, they are no longer "in style".

Just when we buy the newest phone, there is something newer.

Just when we lose that weight, there is always someone with a tinier waist, bigger boobs, or a prettier face.

And so the cycle continues.

The other day, in full transparency I was struggling with feeling confident. And this all was taking place in front of my husband. Now, if you have met my husband, he is a no nonsense kind of guy when it comes to those he loves. And even though I really try to speak kindly to myself, this day was just harder than normal. And he caught me in the midst of some not so kind self talk.

Now, if you think about it, you probably have heard someone talk negatively about themselves in the last 24 hours, or maybe even you did it too. It is everywhere.

I hear it when I walk down the street, next to women in the bathroom, at work, in stores, at family gatherings, when eating...literally it seems it has become just part of daily conversation. Why? I have no idea.

In our conversation, I brought up a few insecurities that I was feeling to my husband. Me feeling these things almost just felt natural since it is all I hear from the majority of the women around me or on social media. It felt like part of a natural cycle. Realize something is "wrong" with you that doesn't fit this "perfect mold" that society has created, beat yourself up for not being that way, withhold self love until you either look that way or can change who you are to fit that "perfect mold" better than the girl next to you. All with the undisclosed rule of "you are not worthy of love until you fit what the world wants".

During this conversation he listened to me and talked to me about why I felt that way, and as we talked, I saw sadness begin to fill his eyes. He was heartbroken that I couldn't see what he saw. That I had began to believe the lies the world was telling me and that the world got to decide if I was worthy or not of his love.

wow.

Now, you can deny it. But we know we have all been there and believe that lie deep down to an extent. Whether you shame yourself for your arms and don't allow yourself to wear that sleeveless dress without a jacket, or don't buy those cute clothes you really like because you don't have that girls body to "pull them off", you begin to diet or restrict before a big family event or wedding, or you push away from your husband and intimacy since you feel shame that you don't look how you did when you first met.

These all are LIES the world has poured into our minds from every direction because they have realized the greatest marketing tool is you.

They need to break you before they can sell to you.

Just like someone wouldn't need to buy a new vase if it isn't broken, they know you won't see the need for their consumerism if we don't feel broken ourselves.

If you feel at your core that you aren't enough, it is a whole lot easier to sell you a "quick fix gym membership" and "body shaping undergarments". Two Band-Aids trying to fix a gaping hole that is yelling "you are not worthy, you are not enough".

It's so so horrible, it feels like a never ending cycle, and it needs to stop.

Before I can get into how we stop this, can I first say I am sorry. I know this hurts. I am sorry that you have been fed these lies in a pretty box with a bow on it. That society truly makes money off of your brokenness. How horrible is that? Let me just tell you that you are not the problem. You are not the broken one, society is. Our world is. You don't have to fix yourself because you never needed fixing in the first place. I am so sorry that the world has made you feel like you are never going to be worthy of love. That is a LIE! And just as it filled my husband with sadness to hear me believe those things about myself, it fills me with sadness to know that many of you reading this may be believing those same things too.

And as someone who cares about you, I am going to tell you something to help you fight.

As my husband was listening to me, he reminded me of these same truths. And he also told me something that really felt like it began some healing in me from these horrible lies.

My husband looked at me and said, "Be the one who stops the cycle".

This sounds so simple, but just like how I said earlier, it fills me with sadness when I hear those around me speak negatively about themselves, their bodies, and who they are. And naturally, we often replicate the things we hear. And I noticed I was doing that this day that I was struggling.

The natural cycle would be to fall in and start being negative to myself. To continue the cycle and then see that those around me will also be critical of themselves.

OR.

I can be the one who stops the cycle.

i appreciate that my husband saw that I had it in me to do this. Or more so, I think he saw that the deeper root of all of this was this message of "unworthiness" and the answer was not feeding into the negative self talk cycle. Love is what reminds us we are worthy. And sometimes, it just takes one person deciding that the world doesn't get to decide if they are worthy of love. They decide they are. And with that, they stop the cycle in its tracks.

Because this cycle only works if we feel like we have to earn love.

When we realize we are already worthy of love, we no longer feel the urgent need to "be enough" for everyone else around us. We get to make the choice, not the other way around. It takes us deciding first that we are worthy of love so that we can then go help break other's cycles.

If that girl at works says she can't wear that dress because her arms will show, look her in the eyes and tell her that her body has done so much for her and is worthy of love.

Tell her that her arms have held people together at their lowest moments, and why would we want to hide the very things that God gave us to pull others close?

If that one friend really wants to buy those cute flared jeans and crop top but tells you she doesn't have the body that the model does, look her in the eyes and say, "who cares, you would look amazing in those. Plus, you are only meant to look like you. Not anyone else."

If you notice your family member getting deep into diet culture and restricting, pull them aside and ask them why they are doing all of this. Coming from someone who had an eating disorder, you will often hit an area where you can speak so much life. They just want to hear they are worthy even without any of that. But please, don't comment on their body and tell them "you are so skinny! you don't need that. The focus needs to come back to who we are, not what we look like.

If you have that married woman in your church homegroup that shares she doesn't want to be intimate with her husband because "how could he still desire her" now that she doesn't look like she did when she was 20, remind her how sex with her husband is meant to be an act of worship to God. That in worship it is about love and praise, not criticism and judgement. That she is one with her husband, that her body at 20 isn't what made her worthy of love. And that not accepting the love of our spouse until we think we are worthy, is just as damaging and hurtful to our marriages. The freedom that comes when you allow yourself to fully be loved in your imperfections by your spouse is true love.

And lastly, if you look in the mirror this morning and can only find things you want to criticize and change. Can I encourage you to open up your Bible and hear what God has to say about you. Crazy, but the Bible is the only love story where the author wrote it to the reader. Ask God who He says you are, and just sit there with Him in the initial discomfort.

And allow the words "Worthy", "Chosen", "Beloved", "Redeemed", and "Mine" to fall over you like warm honey and heal those open wounds. Then, write those words or verses on a sticky note and stick them on your mirror. Say them to yourself (out loud) every morning when you wake up. And catch yourself when you want to say negative things about yourself, just don't. Speak to yourself like someone you love, and soon you will notice it is a lot easier when you know how much you are already loved by God. And if you think God doesn't feel that way towards you, shoot me a message, because I used to feel that way too. Also, check out the poetry book "Softer God" this book changed the way I viewed God and allowed me to start seeing how He could love me.

These are some real life real ways that we can be the one who stops the cycle. Because truly, God has already declared that we were worthy of love. Now you make the choice if you want to believe it. You have the power to chose if the cycle stops with you.

“The Lord will fight for you; you only need to be still.”- Exodus 14:14

"You are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you." Isaiah 43:4

“Are not five sparrows sold for two copper coins? And not one of them is forgotten before God. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.”- Luke 12:6-7

“It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you. He will never leave or forsake you. Do not fear or by dismayed.”- Deuteronomy 31:8

“The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”- Zephanian 3:17

"You are the God who sees me" Genesis 16:13

There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death. Romans 8:1-2